These Words given by My Dad Which Saved Us as a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of being a father.

However the truth soon turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her main carer while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You require assistance. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to talking about the strain on mums and about PND, less is said about the challenges dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a wider reluctance to open up between men, who often internalise damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a show of failure to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a pause - going on a few days away, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a friend, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."